Mask
by silvercross
Summary: Hiro angsting over Shuuichi. Just a short ficcie mostly from Hiro's POV. Yaoi. Note: This isn't a 32-word fic. Trouble in uploading (yes, ff.net). It's more than that, I assure you.


yes… this is my first gravitation fic so don't be too harsh on me.. just a wham or two on the head will do ju---st fine.. (what th--- kuso! was that a sniper just now?! i said just a wham or two dammit!) O_ov...  
  
well anyways.. this fic contains no spoilers of any sort.. just a short ficcie from Hiro's POV. angst? well maybe sukoshi? i don't know if this is considered angst but i guess so.... just some shounen-ai, with a lil cursing.  
  
disclaimer: not mine, mochiron.  
  
  
  
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Mask  
  
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I_love_you. If only I could say it out loud. If only I could grab you now, take you away from here and make you mine forever. If only I could go back to that time when you haven't met him yet. If only... if only you could love me back, just like you love him now.  
  
  
  
Him. Screw him. Why does he always make you suffer? And yet you're still there, begging for his attention.. his touch.. like a dog. The bastard always treats you like one and yet you still feel for him.  
  
  
  
You probably don't know how much I'm hurting. All I have to do is smile and tease you like I always do and you would never notice.. that inside I'm bleeding. That everytime you mention his name and talk about him you're killing me. I'm crumbling before you but you only see my mask. My beautifully, crafted /mask/. Yes. I made it myself. It started out as a simple mask.. but each time you kill me by being so oblivious to my feelings, it gets more complex. It gets thicker everytime you stab me with his name.  
  
  
  
I curse that day when you met him. Walking around the park late that night with a friggin' cancer stick between his lips, he just threw away your work, saying it's crap. And fuck, you /let/ him... I can't believe you let him... just because in that time you were already /drawn/ to him.. like he owns you.. every part of you.. even your soul. I hope I can own you like that. But you won't let me.  
  
  
  
Sometimes I hate you because I /love/ you. Because I love you and understood you but you never understood me. I hate you because I'm so close to you.. so near you and yet you don't see me. When you babble about him non-stop you drown with your happiness. When you complain about him being a bastard(that he is) you drown me with your grief. Everything you do suffocates me. And you still don't fucking know.  
  
  
  
I want to slap you hard and make you understand.. make you open your eyes and see me.. the real me.. unmasked. I want you to see that there's this person called me who loves you so much. This person whom you killed so many times now yet still stands beside you.. /smiling/.. like nothing is damn wrong.  
  
  
  
But I can't. No.. I won't. Because if I do that.. everything will die too.. including our friendship. And I'm scared. Yes, I'm scared as hell. I don't want you to leave me. Losing you would be far worse than death.  
  
  
  
Sometimes.. just sometimes when you smile at me.. I forget everything and share a real smile with you. I want you to smile always.. smile just for me.. for me and no one else. I want to touch you so badly and hold you in my arms... want to caress that soft, pink hair of yours I so long to touch. I want to feel your body next to mine.. want you to fill this void in me, and make the cold and pain disappear forever. If only you'd let me.  
  
  
  
It's almost time now. K-san is waiting. I'll put my mask on again and smile at you. A smile that eats my insides but nevertheless, makes you feel at ease when you're with me. As long as you're happy, I'll just keep on pretending. I'll smile for you despite my pain.. my longing. I don't know how much longer I can last. But go on.. be as genki as usual. I'll just love you from here and bleed alone.. until this mask.. my beautifully, crafted mask.. peels by itself.  
  
  
  
~*~owari?~*~  
  
dou datta, minna? i'm planning on writing a prequel to this. well it depends on you guys!  
  
feedback puleeaasse! 


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